Our thoughts create all of our feelings. And our feelings are the reason we show up in our lives like we do. When I first learned this, I felt like I was the luckiest person in the world and it's changed the way I think and do almost everything in my life.
As a life coach, my job is to help people manage their thoughts. I teach women to understand what they're thinking and I help them process their emotions so that they can stop feeling like life is happening to them and finally create what they want in their lives.
Since I'm also a mom, I get to help my daughter manage her thoughts and emotions too. As she's inching closer to her teenage years, I love that I'm able to help her with this. I'm teaching her to realize that we don't have control over what happens to us in our lives. But we can control what we think about those things, what we make them mean, and how we react to them.
The circumstances around us are out of our control (and I think we can all agree that this year is teaching us that lesson like no other year has), so we want to focus on our thoughts. If we purposely practice the thoughts we want to think for a few minutes a day, we can begin to make huge shifts in the way we feel, the way we show up in our lives, and the results we create.
So, I'm sharing five mantras every parent needs right now. Write these mantras on sticky notes, or add them to your phone and schedule them to be sent to you as daily reminders. Read them silently, and say them out loud. The more you practice these, the more you'll begin believing them. The more you believe them, the more you'll feel the way you want to feel. And those feelings will help you to show up and create more of the life you want.
Today is a fresh start.
Yesterday may not have been your best day. Maybe you've had a lot of yesterdays that haven't ended like you thought they would. But spending energy trying to change the past, or shaming yourself about it, will never change it. And that energy is then taken from today. So, forgive yourself for all the yesterdays, for any parenting moment you didn't think went the way it should've. Show yourself lots of compassion and begin each day with this mantra. Then put your energy into all that you can today.
There is time for all that matters to me.
When I first had my daughter, I was exhausted, the kind of exhausted where I truly thought I could sleep standing up. I remember saying to my husband, "What did we used to do with our time?" It felt like every minute of every day was taken up with parenting responsibilities and I missed having time for anything else. My husband and I had to sit down and do the work needed to prioritize what we really wanted, lower our expectations for some things, and decide what we were willing to let go of. Once we did this, I started to feel like myself again and began enjoying parenting.
If you're struggling to find the time to do everything, try this exercise:
- Write down everything you want and need to do.
- Choose which of those things are your top priorities and add those to your calendar or schedule first.
- Eliminate anything that really doesn't need to be done or anything you want to say no to.
- Determine where you can lower your expectations.
- Decide what you can delegate to someone else or what you need help with.
- Then practice believing that there's time for everything that matters most to you.
I choose to be proud of myself today.
After becoming a mom, my daily routines, my expectations of myself and my life, and my beliefs about who I was were all challenged. So many of the things I had created for my life and had worked for me for so many years, just no longer made sense or fit. I felt like I was failing at everything. I know I'm not alone. Many moms are choosing to think they're not doing enough, they're behind, or they don't have what others have. One poll from WaterWipes in 2019 found 6 in 10 parents felt they were failing during the first year of parenthood.
But, if you get to choose whatever you want to think, why would you choose to think those thoughts? Consider how you feel when your mind goes in that direction. Instead, choose to be proud of yourself now. Every day choose to focus on the things you're grateful for in your life and celebrate your successes, no matter how small.
I give myself permission to let go of what doesn\’t work for me.
Do you have relationships with people that don't bring you joy, agree to do things you really don't want to do, or judge yourself for not being enough for everyone else? This used to be me too. I was a people pleaser and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. So I would agree to do things that left me feeling resentful, overwhelmed, and stretched too thin.
Here's a little secret I learned that I want to share with you: You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings, but you are responsible for your own. And one way to take care of yourself is to allow yourself to make choices so you can be your best self. Giving yourself permission to say no to the things that aren't working for you allows you to say yes when you really want to. So, go ahead and give yourself permission to prioritize what works best for you and the life you want.
I\’m exactly where I\’m supposed to be.
You're not behind. You're not missing out. You're not lacking anything. And you're not on the wrong path. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Your experience might look different from everyone else's. But the experiences you have today are meant for you alone. Accept them, learn and grow from them, and allow them to be for you.
Katrina Klooster is a life coach and educator. She's passionate about helping women find their purpose and improve their lives. Katrina lives in Iowa with her husband and daughter. She can be found on Instagram.
